![]() Now, i might not join a good team for a CP competition coming up because my partner would be a guy and im scared that if he sees me struggling, it will just be exposed that im dumb and that if we lose, he might keep joking about having a girl as his teammate. ![]() and it's not even that my friends do anything, they're literally the nicest guys and are so supportive of me but i just can't shake the feeling. and its such a scary feeling being the only girl there because i feel like i constantly have to prove myself to everyone there and i have to just not make any mistakes or anything. i am literally the only girl i know from my class who is into CP and i practice with my guy friends. it just all really sucks.Īnd most recently, i have been unable to study and practice competitive programming because of that. thats surprising." or being told that my grades are probably "inflated" and that's why they're high. and getting comments like "wow you're better than (insert a guy who's really smart). like its not even my place and im trying to insert myself when i know for sure that these are irrational thoughts and i work hard for everything i do.Īnd also dont get me started on the backhanded insults and ppl who act really surprised that im doing well (thankfully) when im a girl from a girls school that is regarded as 'inferior' to guys in our community. It just degrades everything i do and makes me feel like an imposter by trying to excel in any way. and that girls here don't usually get those high grades and like, he meant it as a compliment and was genuinely impressed but just this stupid thing where ppl are like "you're good for a girl" that makes me wanna punch a wall or sth. like there was this one time when an older guy from my community learned about my grades and stuff and said they were 'very impressive for a student in a girls school'. That feeling absolutely SUCKS and it is always fueled by everything, even the positive reactions to my achievements. and even then, i can't shake the feeling that they're smarter than me. at school, I'd say im fairly strong in STEM subjects and get higher grades than a lot of my male peers. I need to tell someone this because my guy friends just wouldn't understand me if i talk about it.
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